Found Peace in the Trial

I found peace about the trial within the church after about 4 days. The rest of the church members found out 2 days later, so I realized that the Lord had prepared me to share His peace with them while they grieved for the pain in the church.

Bill's knee got infected for no reason. Within 6 hours he went from, "I think my bursitis may be coming back," to shivering so badly in his sleep that he woke me up. The same day, one of our priests hit a deer that jumped out in front of his car, and another priest's family was in total commotion and started getting sudden sore throats. I found all that rather suspicious (if you know what I mean), but thankfully, I was free to pray.

I don't know why the Lord is allowing these things to happen, but at least in my small corner of the world, things aren't going to change too much.

I prayed the first day I felt really distraught about the bishop leaving, and the Lord said, "Don't worry. It'll all work out in the end." Honestly, I felt more frustrated by the vagueness than comforted - at least that first day, but now I'm resting in the fact that God's in control, no matter what.

Seeking the Lord

I received an anonymous question the other week in which I was asked why I felt it necessary to seek the Lord.

Well, there are a few Bible verses that talk about it.

Matthew 6:33 - "But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

1 Corinthians 9:24 - "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Luke 10:38-41 - Martha complains that Mary is learning from Jesus instead of working to prepare food for the many people who are visiting. Christ responds... "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

All these things support my belief that although salvation is enough to get us into heaven, if we love the Lord, we'll want to learn more and more about him. Once we are saved, we become the "Bride of Christ". While we're on earth, it's like we're engaged. When a person is engaged, he/she tries to learn as much as possible about that future spouse - out of love. There's such tremendous love and devotion, that we want to spend as much time as possible with that person. My husband and I lived about 2 hours apart during much of our engagement, and we talked on the phone every night for 2 or more hours getting to know each other. We got together whenever we could to enjoy eachother's company. You could say we sought eachother.

It's the same with Christ. If we love Him, we'll seek after Him more and more. The closer we get to Him and the more we know Him, the more we love Him and yearn after Him even more.

Teresa of Avila said, "let us strive to make constant progress: we ought to feel great alarm if we do not find ourselves advancing, for without doubt the evil one must be planning to injure us in some way; it is impossible for a soul that has come to this state not to go still farther, for love is never idle."

New News is Bad News

My husband and I received some interesting news this week. We thought we knew where we were going in the world with my husband in seminary, and now it looks like those plans will be put on hold indefinitely.

What do we do? It's due to events completely out of our control. I prayed and asked the Lord, because people I care about are being hurt. I want to do something, physically do something. He told me to wait, that it's not over yet, and that it will all work out.

It's so hard to feel no anxiety despite God's assurances. I trust Him. I do. Yet my heart cries out in impatience and compassion for my hurting friends. What will happen to them? (Answer: God will take care of them.)

It's so hard to wait for God's perfect timing. I'm not supposed to know what's happening, so I can't process this with other friends who will soon discover that they are affected too. The situation will be explained to them differently than it was to us, because the source we heard from and the source they will be hearing from are taking different positions. I suppose that means we're getting both sides? There are probably more sides than that for this one.

My husband and I agreed not to take a stand one way or the other yet. We know what our hearts are telling us, but we also know that God has told us to wait (we're not positive - yet - what God's will is for us). So, we're standing in silence, loving all involved, and hurting at the pain they're causing each other.

I wish I could be more specific. My priest told my husband a couple of weeks ago that he didn't think we'd be staying here much longer (in this part of the state).

A lot of changes might be coming. I pray that they're changes that "bring hope and a future".

Pride and Insults

I'm still reading "The Interior Castle" by St. Teresa of Avila. I seem to be able to read only a page or so before I encounter a thought so deep and convicting that I have to stop, pause, and pray.

Today, she had this to say:
"...we should be most vigilant in little things, taking no notice of the great works we plan during prayer which we imagine that we would perform for other people, even perhaps for the sake of saving a single soul...The devil's wiles are many; he would turn hell upside down a thousand times to make us think ourselves better than we are..."

She explains that thinking we are supposed to do these great works makes us feel prideful about our greatness, where something given by God never causes pride.

She went on:
"It is amusing to see souls who, while they are at prayer, fancy they are willing to be despised and publicly insulted for the love of God, yet afterwards do all they can to hide their small defects; if any one unjustly accuses them of a fault, God deliver us from their outcries! ... O sisters! how easy it is to know which of you have attained a sincere love of your neighbor, and which of you are far from it."

How often have I created vast plans of how I was going to serve the Lord? Learning that the plans all started with "I" was a painful experience. Now, I'm walking in a plan from God. It's not glamorous. I homeschool 4 kids, write, and work as the office manager of my husband's painting company. The lack of glamour doesn't make my work any less important or more important than if I was Beth Moore, leading thousands of women through the scriptures. We're both doing exactly what God's called us to.

As long as I keep saying, "yes" to God's will and don't worry about the rest (like people accusing me of things that are or aren't true), everything will be where it needs to be in the end. I don't need to appear on television to be important. I just need to do the little things God asks me to and not worry about the rest.

Stinkin' Thinkin'

I met with a friend this week to discuss a book project he wants to work on. Fr. Ray Strawser is an incredible man with an amazing life story. He's given communion to the Queen of England and washed his mud covered car in water from the Vatican's fountain (the water was blowing over the fence, so he pulled a rag out of the car and wiped off the mud from the Alps.) He served as a chaplain with soldiers on the front line in the Vietnam War and has counseled people for years who've been abused and addicted.

The doctors have told him that his bone cancer is terminal. He doesn't know how much longer he has left, but I'm sure the Lord has given him enough.

We're going to work together to put together at least one book that's written for all of us who have what he calls "Stinkin' Thinkin'". Stinkin' Thinkin' is thinking that puts you down and makes you keep making the same bad choices. It puts his 13 counseling steps into play in people's lives. Fr. Ray is also a poet, so the way he explains things with analogies makes them easier to understand and beautiful to read.

This will be an amazing book holding a lifetime of Godly wisdom! (I just pray that the Lord keeps me from messing anything up.)